There is a certain level of self-confidence a therapist needs to have to be successful in this field. We have to keep in mind the courage it takes for someone to finally decide to come into treatment. It can be easy to personalize a client’s internal struggle as something more than just that- an internal struggle. With that in mind, I often address the hesitancy clients have in the first stages of treatment. I find it interesting the process clients go through to take that initial step towards therapy. I’ll give you one example. The process starts with a client feeling discomfort, which comes in the form of sadness, anxiety, too much arguing or just plain angry all the time. They talk to friends, some suggest seeing a therapist, and others may even give them a few names of good therapists in the area (wow, I made the list!). They think about it for a couple of weeks then they pick up the phone to call me. My standard greeting is “Hi, this is Zoe.” *click*. Me: “Hello?…. Hello?” The mystery client backed out and decided against setting an appointment. Six months later they call back, I finally get to meet them and they tell me all the reasons why they haven’t come to therapy until that point in time. Here are just a handful of thoughts that run through my clients’ heads which had them avoiding me for months.
“Only crazy people go to therapy. I’m not crazy; I’m just (insert symptom here).” I know this is going to sound cliché being that I’m a therapist, but I really don’t believe in the word “crazy.” When I hear that word I picture someone with bad hygiene, bulging eyes, and hair in desperate need of a hot oil treatment. Even then, I don’t think that person should be labeled as crazy. They just need some fashion help. Yes, there are some extreme cases of people who have debilitating and chronic mental illnesses which land them in frequent hospital stays. I’ve worked with some of those individuals in the past and what they struggle with is truly an illness; illness does not equate to “crazy.” The more common client I see in my office are ordinary people who have steady jobs, are students, or have families of their own. Life is like surfing in the ocean; there are ups and downs where sometimes we need a little help to navigate those waves. Mainstream culture puts high value on independence but in reality we all need another person to help us through the rough patches. Would you expect to surf a wave without anyone showing you how to do it?
“Therapy is expensive.” Actually therapy can be pretty affordable; you just have to do your research. There are non-profit agencies that provide free therapy for people who qualify as well as therapists in private practice who offer a sliding-scale option. Insurance providers can also assist you in finding a therapist within your budget. You may also want to consider therapy as an investment. Think of the long term costs of not addressing problems now: job loss, divorce, legal fees, and medical fees, just to name a few. Those long term costs far exceed the cost of therapy.
“All therapy does is bring up the past. Why rehash everything?” Exploring the past is sometimes important to treatment because you can determine if there are patterns of behavior being repeated from years ago as well as addressing unresolved pain that is affecting your well-being today. If you find a therapist that you have a good rapport with, trust that he or she will help you work through that pain in small manageable increments. Therapy isn’t about rehashing everything; it’s about learning how the past is affecting your present and finding ways to leave the past in the past.
“All therapists do is talk about feelings and touchy- feely things.” As a therapist who frequently uses a cognitive-behavioral approach in session, I find that I tend to use more logic when working with clients. Although I will touch on emotions in treatment, I do so in order to determine how emotions drive client behaviors. As the word “cognition” implies, it requires actively thinking about ways to change negative thoughts that trigger those emotions. Yes, you may find some therapists that are all about “touchy-feely” and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this approach. But there are plenty of different therapists who use a variety of approaches in their interventions. It’s up to you which type of therapist you will choose to work with.
“Therapy is a waste of money because I can just talk to my friends.” While I strongly encourage my clients to have a network of support, this does not replace the benefits of having a trained professional to assist you. Sessions are devoted entirely to the client; lunch with friends usually involves having to share air time with them and you may not always be able to say everything you want to say. There is also that underlying fear of being judged; yes, our friends are loving and supportive but at times people don’t like to share their deepest, darkest secrets for fear of being seen in a less than perfect light or possibly even hurting a friend’s feelings. There is also the concern that maybe your friend will share your struggles with others; therapists are held to a legal and ethical standard of confidentiality. Finally, as I stated earlier, therapists are trained professionals. They have the ability to actively help you navigate through your life challenges through the use of various interventions. This is something beyond the scope of what a friend can provide.
“Therapy doesn’t work.” I’m a true believer in the statement that “you get what you put in.” Therapy isn’t about seeing someone an hour a week, talking about what’s bothering you and then leave feeling better. The majority of the work is what you do outside of session, taking the things you learn from session and practicing it in your daily life. Fear is something I have found to be a barrier to improvement in some of my clients. Change in itself, whether it’s good or bad, is scary. Sometimes staying in a state of mental discomfort is better than change because it’s familiar; change means venturing into new territory. What an uncomfortable feeling to have when you don’t know what to expect! But with the help of a skilled therapist, he or she can meet you where you are at so you don’t have to face those fears by yourself.
Therapy is a courageous step for people to take. It means being vulnerable not just to the professional sitting in front of you, but to yourself because it means addressing the issues you’ve spent time avoiding. Take your time in finding a therapist whose style fits with yours. I have found that clients who have the most success in treatment start off with a good rapport with their therapist.