It’s that time of year again; poinsettias decorate the entryways of local shops and offices, holiday music plays in the elevator and hallways of public buildings, commercials on television bombard us with things that we should buy for our loved ones. But what if we don’t have that special someone to share these times with? Family may be thousands of miles away or loved ones may have passed away. Because of this, the holidays may be the cause of additional stress in the day to day hustle and bustle of life. Keep in mind that you are not alone in this feeling. Some people find comfort in knowing that there are others that share the same feelings of sadness during the holiday season. There are a few things that can be done in order to ease this stress.
Self-reflection
First of all, it’s important to consider where these feelings stem from. Are there unresolved conflicts with others in your life that the holidays seem to remind you of? If so, perhaps this is an indication that it’s time for a change. What would it mean to you to resolve these conflicts and how would that affect you in the long run? Sometimes it may even be beneficial to seek the help of a therapist to work through this dilemma.
Maintain realistic expectations
Another thing to consider is that maybe your expectations are set too high. The media fills us with images of families getting together on Christmas morning with gifts piled up under the Christmas tree, or diamond pendants being given to that special person. Often times, individuals can’t afford expensive presents, numerous gifts, or even have that picture perfect image of a family. Take notice of the things you have already and the people who are in your life. We sometimes forget about the things we have accumulated in life because the media is so busy showing us the things that we don’t have.
Step out of that box and start a new tradition!
Perhaps it’s time to start a different tradition. If loved ones are busy with their own families on the holidays, maybe arrange times to spend with them on days other than the actual holiday. Taking in a new movie at the theatre or going out for lunch can have just as much quality as throwing an elaborate party. The point of the holiday season is cherishing the time you have with loved ones, not necessarily what you do. Other traditions to consider are volunteering at local community shelters to help others in need. Sometimes giving to others who are less fortunate can help ease the loneliness we feel inside.
Talk with your doctor
Some people may be affected by the change in seasons. As the days get shorter and night comes earlier, people tend to experience seasonal depression. They may relate this to the holidays because the change in seasons often come during this time. Check with your physician to determine if this may be the cause of your symptoms.
Build meaningful relationships
Take note of the relationships you already have. Are they meaningful and supportive? Do they satisfy your needs to connect? If not, consider what the barriers are to building that deeper bond. Is there something that prevents you from getting close to others? Maybe have that conversation with these people to problem solve ways to help your relationship grow. If that concept is too intimidating, consider working with a therapist to determine what those barriers are as well as exploring that fear of growing closer with another person.
Some of these suggestions are far from easy to practice because it requires you to take a good hard look at yourself and the people in your life. But with anything else that is new, the more you practice these habits the easier it can get. Just keep in mind that you are not the only one who experiences loneliness at this time. The holiday season is a time to reflect on the good things in your life, not to take stock on the things you wish you have.