The other day I stumbled across a research paper that explored the concept of the “booty call.” Yes, the term “booty call” was in the title of this professional journal’s research paper. I laughed out loud at first, but as I continued to read, it made me ponder on the human species‘continuous pursuit for bonding with others and creating meaningful attachments. If you aren’t sure about what the title of this article is referring to, here’s a general definition of each of those terms. Booty calls are indeed a compromise between one night stands and long term relationships. Booty calls are advantageous because it allows a commitment to another person on a sexual level. There is an agreed upon understanding that two people can call upon each other for sexual favors at any given time, without the emotional intimacy involved in a committed relationship. The booty call may also be more preferable over a one night stand because a simple phone call or text can initiate an instant sexual meeting. A one night stand is a sexual rendezvous meant to last for only one night, thus the term “one night”. Usually these individuals are strangers, having known each other for a few hours before engaging in a sexual act.
These behaviors are nothing new. Casual sex can be extremely convenient when two people are in agreement. The convenience of having a sexual partner for one night or on an as needed basis can fit in well for someone who may not be ready for a serious relationship and wants to have fun. Researchers have conducted a study on the benefits of casual sex and based on the results concluded that individuals who participate in casual sex have reduced levels of stress and a higher sense of well-being. Despite this interesting conclusion, there are others who actually experience higher levels of anxiety and low self-esteem when engaging in casual sex.
A study conducted by psychologist Seth Schwartz from the University of Miami, et.al indicate that individuals who engaged in casual sex within the last 30 days experienced lower self-esteem and lack of happiness within their lives compared to those who did not engage in casual sex during that same time frame. There were some factors that prevented the study from being completely accurate in its findings, but it does lead readers to consider an important question: “What are reasons for engaging in a casual sexual relationship?”
Reflect on your reasons for engaging in casual sex. If having a booty call or a one night stand does not conflict with your moral values and your vision of yourself, casual sex can be a healthy form of sexual exploration. However, if you find yourself unfulfilled, guilty or unhappy after an encounter, take time to understand what your goals are when engaging in a casual sexual relationship. Are you searching for something more than sexual fulfillment? Is casual sex something you are using to replace what you really want? What is preventing you from developing a bond with someone at a more intimate level?
True intimacy means being emotionally vulnerable with another person. The act of allowing someone to understand you at a deep level where they see who you truly are, your fears, your hopes, your desires is something that can’t be replicated through the act of a booty call or a one night stand. Intimacy allows two people to connect with each other that is much more meaningful, paving a path that is built on trust, commitment, and understanding. When someone participates in casual sexual relationships with an underlying desire to bond with someone or insists that that this is only for “fun” when true intimacy is the actual desire, this puts the person at risk to experience feelings of guilt, anxiety and sadness.
The two studies that I mentioned above are in stark contrast of each other. Based on these findings, it seems the person’s motivations for engaging in casual sex determine the outcome of how they feel about themselves afterwards. If an individual truly wants to have fun and engage in self-exploration, then they actually experience a strong sense of well-being. If the motivation is to fulfill a need for intimacy, these individuals experience higher anxiety and unhappiness within their lives. The point I’m making is to be honest with yourself regarding your motivations. A good rule of thumb is to do a check-in with yourself every so often; this can be done in any situation in your life, not just with the topic of casual sex. What are my needs? Are my needs being met when I do this? Have my needs changed? Others may talk about how great their experiences are with booty calls or one night stands, but their needs may be completely different from yours. Only you are the person to answer those questions. You determine the path in your life and that first step toward living a fulfilling life is honesty with yourself.
If you are interested in reading the actual studies regarding booty calls, here are the links:
The “booty call”: a compromise between men’s and women’s ideal mating strategies