The other day I was intently studying my grocery list on my phone as I walked through the supermarket doors. When I finally looked up, my senses were overwhelmed with a cascade of pink and red hearts floating above me and little teddy bears holding small boxes of candies on shelves, looking longingly at me in hopes of being purchased for that special person in my life. The message was clear: Valentine’s Day is just around the corner.
Valentine’s Day has come a long way from its religious roots. In modern times, this day is meant to be a celebration of love, as well as expressing romantic sentiment to a sweetheart. In contrast to our celebration of love are those who find it difficult to find the joy in recognizing the most romantic holiday of the year. It’s another year of being single, another day of watching flowers delivered to office co-workers while other desks remain empty. At the end of the day, they are left with the thought: “I’m lonely. This holiday sucks.”
I believe it’s important to reflect on these feelings of loneliness. Where does this stem from? Is it really just Valentine’s Day that causes loneliness or does this holiday exacerbate an emotion that has been there all along?
Self-confidence is one way to breeze through holidays like this. Recognizing your worth (and you ARE full of worth) means that you can enjoy the perks of Valentine’s Day being single or in a relationship. I’ve worked with some individuals who enter highly dysfunctional relationships just to avoid being alone. The result is still the same if you were single- you still feel lonely. Developing self-confidence takes time; focus on the great things about who you are right now instead of ruminating on the qualities which you don’t have.
If you want to be in a relationship, identify the barriers to this. What’s keeping you from a relationship? Do you dread social situations or does dating cause you anxiety? If anxiety is one barrier preventing you from meeting new people, make it a goal to develop some effective coping skills. Once you have those in place, it’s time to put those coping skills into practice by placing yourself in mildly anxiety provoking social situations. Start small; maybe go out with a friend to a few social events to gain some of that self-confidence. Eventually you want to build up to meeting a potential partner for a coffee date or even be as daring as an entire dinner! In addition, identify what has not worked for you in the past and develop goals by changing some of those things.
The bottom line is self-reflection. What behaviors indicate that you know you are valuable and worthy, whether it is being single or in a relationship? In what ways do you exhibit self-confidence? What are the barriers preventing you from finding the relationship you desire with another person? Once you identify some of these barriers, you will find that being alone on the most romantic day of the year isn’t so lonely after all.
