Self-Care: The Act of Acknowledging You Are Worthy of Caring, Love, and Respect

If you’ve been around any shrinks, you’ve probably heard a bunch of us preach on the importance of self-care.  Self-care.  What is that?  I’ve heard clients tell me ways they practice self-care: pedicures, massages, bubble baths, spa days, etc.  Yes, those are all examples of self-care, but who has time to do that on a regular basis?  And if you do that constantly, that bill adds up to one very expensive self-care practice.  Self-care goes beyond the pampering we do to treat ourselves every so often.  I’m talking about daily self-care.  Yes, DAILY.  It’s a way of telling yourself that you are valuable and worthy of caring, love and respect. 

In today’s culture, hard work is valued, admired. How many times have I heard “I’ve been working 12 hour shifts for the last 2 weeks” or “I’ve been so busy, I’ve only been averaging 4 hours of sleep a night.”  There’s almost a sense of pride I hear when people make these proclamations of self-detriment.  Believe me, I understand.  I’ve been guilty of many sleepless nights and long hours at the office.  I feel a sense of pride and accomplishment when I have a productive day.  But one thing I sometimes fail to realize is that I am just as accomplished when I spend an entire day lounging around watching a marathon of “The Walking Dead.” (Hey, don’t judge.  Shopping and wine tasting may be your thing, but a day of zombies is absolutely cathartic for me!)  We find ourselves stretched thin with the responsibilities toward our family, work, and friends; how can you possibly find time to fit in for yourself?

So here’s the reality: when we don’t take care of ourselves, we get sick more easily.  This forces us to take time off of work and time away from caring for our loved ones.  Now, being too sick to care for others or to go to work shouldn’t be the motivating factor for you to begin self-care practices.  Although this is one benefit of self-care, the point of self-care is to recognize your own value as a human being who deserves happiness and joy, not to be more productive at work or to keep giving to others. 

Just so we’re clear, I’m not knocking hard work, or giving to others, or all those other things that keep us so busy.  These are all important, but remember that YOU are also just as important.  Self-care is about creating a balanced life.  Clients, and some of my own friends, have expressed their feelings of guilt when they do something for themselves.  “I wasted $20 on makeup for myself when I could have bought my kid that new shirt she’s been wanting.”  “I’m a bad mother; I took a nap for 2 hours when I could have been spending some quality time with my kids.”  Ask yourself:  why do you feel guilty for treating yourself with worth?  Guilt indicates a sense of wrong-doing; is it wrong to treat yourself with respect, caring, and love?

So how do we practice daily self-care?  Well, we have the basics; taking good care of our physical health. This means eating healthy, getting regular exercise, and getting plenty of sleep.   Fueling your body with healthy meals and increasing physical activity means that we respect our bodies enough to maintain it properly.   Getting proper sleep is extremely important for both our mental and physical health.  Studies show that lack of sleep contributes to increased chances of heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, as well as negative effects on our brain function.  

When we are well rested, it helps us improve learning, reduces the symptoms of mood disorders, helps heal and repair your heart and blood vessels. 

Mindfulness is another daily self-care technique.  This means savoring those brief joyful moments in each of our days.  Do you ever take time to notice the sunrise as you are rushing off to work in the morning?  What about those times that your house is filled with the laughter of your children playing in the other room?  Taking notice of the joys around you only takes a few minutes, even a few seconds.  For more on mindfulness, check out the article I wrote about how to live a more mindful life.  If that doesn’t convince you, research has shown that regular practice of mindfulness helps reduce ruminating thoughts, depression, anxiety and increases relationship satisfaction.  A 2011 study indicates that regular practice of mindfulness actually changes the structure of your brain in a good way.  When you become better at practicing mindfulness, you begin living life with a clearer mind. 

Taking time to do things that you enjoy is also a great way to practice self-care.  Often people say they don’t have time to do the things they enjoy.  This makes me think of a recent quote I read:  “Try replacing the words ‘I don’t have time’ with ‘it’s not a priority.’”  This really reflects where our priorities lie; if you don’t prioritize yourself, who will?  Taking care of yourself starts with you.  Set those boundaries and begin carving out some time every so often to do things you enjoy.  Boundaries doesn’t mean just physically separating yourself from others, it also means learning to say “NO.”  Too many times we say yes to things because we feel guilty for having extra time on our hands, so we end up filling that extra time with tasks for other people even if we don’t necessarily want to do it and they are perfectly capable of doing that task themselves.   Reflect on the reasons why you may be doing so many things for others and little for yourself. 

Remember that when you practice self-care you are showing compassion to yourself.  You feel better, your mind is clearer, and it ultimately improves your relationships with others.  Setting a priority to take care of you is a testament to how much you are truly a valuable and unique individual who is worthy of love, caring, and respect.