Sexual abuse is one of the most devastating traumas a child can experience. The impact on the child is significant; it can define a person’s sexuality as an adult, it affects a person’s views on sex, it contributes to the survivor’s self-esteem. For some survivors, sex is not an intimate act of love. It becomes a tool, a means to an end. This view on sex is learned through their first sexual experiences with the trauma. Survivors may have difficulty connecting emotionally to their partner in a sexual act, which can lead to frustration and feelings of guilt. Some survivors may even be re-traumatized with memories of the abuse through each sexual experience. As a result, the survivor feels ashamed, guilty, depressed, and worthless. Despite this, there is hope to having a positive sexual identity.
Treating survivors of child sexual abuse requires much more sensitivity and patience, in my experience. Being in tune to my client and recognizing when they are overwhelmed with the memories and emotion attached to the trauma is extremely important to prevent re-traumatizing the individual. The person has to be ready to address the abuse, as they may have kept this a secret for many years. An important statement I tell clients is “IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT.” Many survivors blame themselves for the abuse; taking that blame away from them is the first step towards healing. Through education and normalizing of their response to the act, we can shed that blanket of shame and begin the path towards recovery.
Before exploring the trauma, I find it important for the individual to develop strong coping skills and develop a safe and supportive network. The survivor can then explore how the trauma has defined and contributed to their sexuality. From there, the survivor can begin separating the trauma from sex itself. Sex and a person’s sexuality do not have to be a horrifying experience. The survivor can develop healthier definitions of sex, that it can be a loving and intimate experience.
If you are a survivor of child sexual abuse, or know someone who is, find an experienced professional who can help guide you down that path of healing. Be kind to yourself; it took a long time to develop the identity you have of yourself surrounding sex. It will also take time to unravel the trauma you experienced as well as the messages about sex behind it. The road to healing is a long one, but it is paved with patience, empathy, caring and sensitivity.
