I was going over some of my old articles today and came across one I wrote a little over a year ago about “Frenemies”, toxic relationships that we have in our lives. It made me think about bullying. In my practice I’ve worked with many clients ranging from a very young age to adulthood who had some sort of experience with bullying. The impact of bullying is significant, as it causes youngsters to contemplate suicide while the memory of being bullied as a child can bring an adult to tears.
Bullying isn’t just a problem for school aged children and teenagers, to be clear. Bullying happens at work as adults too. The definition of a bully is “a blustering browbeating person; especially : one habitually cruel to others who are weaker”, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. For this article, however, I’ll focus on children and teens. Bullying takes on many forms in our current generation. Bullying may include: physically hurting another person, spreading rumors, ongoing verbal torment when school staff are not around, and cyberbullying.
At one point in my career I facilitated a social skills group for kids ages 11-13 to educate them about bullying as well as teach assertiveness skills. That experience made me realize that bullying is a complex problem that can’t be resolved just by telling an adult. Telling an adult is sometimes the scariest thing to do as a child because they aren’t there 24 hours a day to protect him or her from that bully. This would put them at risk of being punished by their tormentor even further. Many children refused to report bullying behaviors because they were aware of the possibility they may have to face their tormentor.
Prevention of bullying is a community effort. Education is usually the first step. Ongoing education and spreading of awareness of what bullying is, how to recognize it, how to work together as a group to address bullying by reporting it to a school staff, are just some ways to begin educating students. There is power in numbers; having several children stand up against bullying behavior is a lot easier to do than asking one child to do it on their own. A program called “Restorative Schools Project” encourages dialogue among school staff, students, and parents to help reduce the chances of a student being expelled. A couple of ways this project addresses bullying is through prevention, which would include a program inserted into the school’s curriculum. In addition, if bullying is an issue, a conflict resolution meeting would be conducted with the students so they can learn how to facilitate discussion. This approach teaches children appropriate communication skills with the help of adults. The Restorative Schools Project, also more commonly known as “Restorative Justice”, has contributed to thereduction in suspensions and expulsions for the last two years.
Adult involvement is equally important. Adults must address the behavior swiftly through appropriate consequence, both through the school and through the parents. Take time to understand why a child would bully others and help them develop their problem solving skills by identifying alternative solutions to get their needs met (i.e., some common reasons why a child would hurt other kids are: to fit in- bullying others can get a laugh from their friends; they are feeling stressed or angry about something else and take out their emotions on another child; they themselves are being bullied and have learned that hurting others is a way to gain power and control). For the children being bullied, provide support to them by listening and assuring them that proper steps are being taken to address the issue. Bringing your child to therapy may also be a benefit, as they can learn a variety of tools or assertiveness and improving self esteem.
There is no one simple answer to end bullying behavior, and there is no end date to addressing bullying. Bullying prevention is an ongoing effort through consistent education, diligent supervision of areas on a school campus where bullying may occur, regular monitoring of your child’s internet and social media activity.
To learn more about bullying and bullying prevention, click on the links below: