If you’re like me, at one point you probably have fallen into the trap of thinking specifically about war veterans or sexual abuse survivors when you hear the word “trauma.” However, emotional trauma is something that is often overlooked and sometimes minimized. Have you ever experienced a bad breakup or divorce, been involved in a car accident, been humiliated by someone, or even bullied? These are only a few examples of emotional trauma but if you can recall the experience of anything like this you may agree these aren’t experiences you can easily overlook because they played a significant role in your path in life.
Despite the fact that emotional trauma is overlooked within our culture, the symptoms related to these types of trauma are similar to those who have witnessed the horrors of war or physical abuse. These symptoms may include nightmares or difficulty sleeping; fear and worry; irritability or anger outbursts; sadness or hopelessness; guilt; shame; a feeling of numbness or disconnection from others or situations.
People sometimes minimize these types of trauma because they are situations that normally occur throughout life. Almost everyone can recall a significant breakup which has left you feeling hopeless and insecure. Ask anyone if they’ve experienced humiliation, I bet you’ll have a room full of people with some account of embarrassment and shame. But just because emotional trauma is something many people can relate to does not mean the experience is any less difficult. The fact is if we don’t acknowledge these experiences for what they are, they slowly begin to influence our core belief of who we are.
We live in a culture where “quit crying and suck it up” is admired and even considered a personal strength. In reality, this way of managing life’s challenges is only devaluing our human experience. By conforming to this cultural belief we begin to think “there is something wrong with me” for not bouncing back within a specified period of time. The establishment of a negative core belief will then begin to affect how we perceive the world as well as ourselves.
Core beliefs are how we see ourselves and the world. If we minimize emotional traumas and state “it’s been 6 months since my divorce, I should be over it by now”, we begin thinking there’s something wrong with us for still grieving the loss of that relationship. A common core belief that clients I’ve worked with feel is “There’s something wrong with me.” It’s NORMAL to feel sad, anxious, or angry when you’ve experienced a breakup, a car accident, or have been bullied. To be so flippant and state “they were just childhood bullies; there are worse things that could happen to someone” contributes to feelings of shame, a feeling which researcher Brenè Brown states “corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”
The first step towards healing trauma is allowing yourself to experience these range of emotions. Wading through those yucky feelings of guilt, sadness, fear, or shame builds resiliency. Fighting those feelings only seems to make them grow stronger and more powerful. However there is a difference between allowing yourself to feel these emotions versus allowing them to consume you.
I am a huge advocate for self-care. Acknowledge these emotions and experience them, but also continue to do things to make these feelings manageable. Talk with friends or other loved ones; it may not resolve the problem, but shining a light on these emotions can help reduce the intensity of how they feel. Pushing them down and trying to ignore them only makes those feelings grow stronger.
Try to maintain structure in your daily routine. This would mean going to work, eating healthy meals regularly, going to bed at the same time, scheduling time to do fun activities. If things seem overwhelming, focus on small manageable goals each day. Some days may feel worse than others; take advantage of those good days and be in the moment rather than worrying if your mood will drop again. Spending time worrying about this only takes away from the good.
And of course, if these symptoms become too overwhelming and difficult to manage, seek help from a trained professional. EMDR therapy is one type of treatment modality that can help address the wounds created by emotional trauma. Treat yourself with empathy and respect by acknowledging the feelings associated with your trauma. Despite what your negative core belief may be, you are worthy of empathy, respect, and caring.